Consent is sexy

“Asking for consent is a total mood kill”. “It’s awkward, unromantic and unsexy”. “It ruins the moment” …
Ruins the moment? Please. Plenty of things interrupt the flow of sex all the time. We bump into each other, make funny sounds, our phones ping, ding and ring, our pets jump up on the bed… None of that seems to stop us. So why then are we still hung up on the idea that consent is a hindrance to sex?

Maybe it’s because of movies. They make sex out to be this spontaneous and perfectly fluid experience (where apparently you can slide right in, in as little as 5 seconds?!?). Much of the time, the characters who do ask questions like ‘can I kiss you?’ are portrayed as awkward, fumbly sexual novices. And consent-based conversations are few and far between.

This isn’t surprising really, considering how society has viewed sex for centuries. We’ve been conditioned to believe that our sexual desires, needs and limits should be kept private. That sex shouldn’t be planned, but should just happen, without any conversation. In essence, we’re expected to be mind readers. Yeah, right. It’s time we left our outdated fears about sex (and the Hollywood rom com) behind.

Good sex starts with communication. By asking your partner for consent, you empower both of you to be loud and proud about your wants and needs. You make sex something truly collaborative, rather than a guessing game. You create a comfortable and open environment to build intimacy, passion and desire.

Rather than viewing consent as a hurdle, let’s see it as an opportunity to forge deeper connection and build sexual suspense – a kind of foreplay if you will. And newsflash, it’s only ‘awkward’ or ‘unsexy’ if you’re lacking the confidence to ask (or be asked) what you want.
It goes without saying that there’s nothing sexier than confidence in the bedroom.

So, yeah. Aside from being a fundamental requirement, consent isn’t a mood killer.
It’s sexy as hell.